Dealing with Bullies

When you were a kid did you get picked on, or were the target of bullies?  When we were kids we didn’t have all the concern about bullies that exists in schools today.  We all learned how to deal with people that tried to throw their weight around, regardless of whether or not they had weight to throw around. Sadly, kids today aren’t learning how to deal with that social interaction, but that isn’t the topic today, so I won’t delve into my feelings on the subject.

It’s funny, but I talked to a few friends of mine to get some other perspectives about bullies for this blog.  All three said very similar things about how they dealt with it as kids, but as adults people just don’t act like that anymore.  They believed that people don’t go through their day trying to bully others into giving them what they want.  My follow-up question was as follows:

So you’ve never had to deal with someone who always tries to steamroll you into getting what they want or need at work, or in life?

To which each responded with something along the lines of, “Well of course.  I’ve dealt with people like that at work.”

So wait, they don’t get bullied, but they deal with bullies at work?  I am very confused.

Yes, we all deal with bullies from time to time.  People that think they can push, coerce, force, or even threaten you in order to get you to do what they want.  Unfortunately, some of these people are our superiors (which creates other issues I can’t cover in just one blog posting), but often they are simply lazy people (or co-workers) that either don’t like how you’re doing something, or you’re good work is making them look bad.  As adults it’s a bit easier to deal with these people than in our youth, but handling them, in this writer’s humble opinion, is pretty much the same.

As a child I was what we might refer to as a “little fatty.”  I weighed in at 150 pounds at age 10.  I was unable to play youth football because I was heavier than the weight limits, and when I was able to play at age 9, coaches called me The Icebox while wearing #72 (Gotta love The Fridge!).  This size created ae a source of ridicule for other kids and made me an easy target for bullies.  At a young age I learned to deal with these people in one of two ways:

1. Ignore them, and eventually they just go away because their intimidation tactics aren’t getting the reaction they want.
2. When ignoring them doesn’t work you have to rain down hellfire and brimstone so they’ll never bother you again.

Ignoring them worked for me in all but one situation, a guy we’ll call “Craig.”  As a kid I could only assume that Craig just took pleasure in tormenting other kids.  It wasn’t just me thankfully, but ignoring the guy just didn’t work.  He’d start to bully me, I’d turn and just walk away with my friends, and he’d just shove me in the back and laugh.  I even talked to my dad about this one.  He gave me the sage advice of, “Don’t let people bully you.  Some people you’ll come across in life are just jerks.  In their own delusions they think they are special, and some have insecurities, and they will keep coming at you, and you’ll need to fight back.” He then said something I’ll never forget.  He said, “It’s never okay to start a fight, and if you do, you’re getting punished, but if someone pushes you into one, make sure you protect yourself and finish it.”

As a child I wasn’t a fighter, I was actually very timid and a bit shy which is very different from who I’ve become.  My father’s words were a bit foreign to me.  Sure I had been in scuffles and scrapes, but it wasn’t something I did willingly.  He explained that standing up for myself, and not allowing others to push me around will be important throughout life, and that I needed to learn it now.  The long and short of it was that Craig wasn’t so tough once I realized he didn’t like people fighting back.  In the end I had some bruises, and I don’t think there really was a winner of the fight, but Craig never bothered me again.

In hindsight and with age, I now realize that Craig had his own fears and issues he was dealing with, and that maybe all bullies have insecurities or fears they struggle with.  Maybe it’s their ego being too small, and bullying helps them feel bigger.  Perhaps their ego is too large, and bullying solidifies in their mind that they deserve to carry the big ego.

As adults it isn’t our individual issue to worry about why someone is a bully, but sadly we do have to deal with them more often than we’d like to in the workplace and in life.  Bullying can come from people not wanting to carry their load of the work, or from people that may not want to take risks, so the bully pressures others to put their necks on the line for them.  Regardless of why people bully, or how they do it, my tactic is still the same.  Ignore them, and if ignoring them doesn’t remedy the problem, make them never want to push you around again.  I guess the positive to being an adult, is that it rarely has to come to fisticuffs.

How often do you have to deal with bullies?  How do you handle the situation?